Relationship advice from Dr. Pat Allen

If you're looking for a new relationship or would like to improve the one you're already in, this audio of Marianne Williamson interviewing Dr. Pat Allen has amazing insights to help.

Marianne shares the shift in her relationships after following Dr. Pat's advice.

Click here to listen to the interview

Dr. Pat Allen is a Communication and Relationship Expert and Marriage/Family Therapist who has devoted 34 years to helping men and women learn to communicate their wants and needs with integrity and honesty, and avoid the damaging ploys of intimidation and seduction.

She's also funny and "politically incorrect but scientifically accurate!"

This photo above show Dr. Pat giving an audience one of her famous oaths:

For men..."I promise to cherish the women, kids and animals in my life, even when they are irrational, irritating and totally illogical."

For women... "I promise to respect my chosen man and his thoughts, suggestions, ideas and plans, even when I know I'm smarter and can do it better."

In the Los Angeles area? Dr. Pat Allen has a weekly 'show' at the Odyssey Theatre....

"Monday Nights With Dr. Pat Allen." An open forum. Bring your questions about relationship issues and interpersonal communication. Or better yet, step down to the stage and have a one-on-one personal therapy session. See and hear nationally known therapist, author and lecturer Dr. Pat Allen explain her unique theories on how male and female energies interact in a relationship, and pounce on the question: Have we lost our ability to mate and relate?

• An evening for singles and couples
• Men and women in the new "Sex in the City" millennium
• Laugh and learn how to avoid bad relationships and how to keep good relationships together
• Discover how the masculine and feminine roles affect the dynamics of a relationship
• Stop doing a slam dance with your mate and learn how to waltz

The Odyssey Theatre
2055 South Sepulveda (at Olympic Boulevard)
West Los Angeles, California
Mondays
Except Major Holidays
(View map)
7:00 to 8:30 p.m.
$10 admission at the door

Fun Freebies

Here's a list of 23 Fun Freebies from Women's Health Check it out!

Workouts

Intrigued by Zumba or Kettlebell classes but not sure you'll love 'em? Many gyms, including Gold's, Bally Total Fitness, LA Fitness, and the YMCA, offer free trials that run from one day to two weeks.

Cooking Cred

Boost your culinary skills with tutorials at epicurious.com/video, where experts demo everything from making coq au vin to mixing a caipirinha. It's like Rachael Ray on demand, minus the annoying chatter.

Booze

Myopenbar.com lists the hotspots in New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Fran, Honolulu, and Miami where you can get a round on the house.

Ice Cream

Go for a dip at Ben & Jerry's on April 21—it's the company's national Free Cone Day. New flavors this year include Chocolate Macadamia and oatmeal cookie chunk. Or sign up at baskinrobbins.com/bdayclub to get a free scoop on your birthday.

Wheels

Score karma points by helping someone transport their vehicle. Autodriveaway.com has a national list of cars and destinations. The key and first tank of gas are free, but you'll have to find your own food, lodging, and way back home.

Shampoo

A few free ounces of shampoo may not sound all that thrilling, but stocking up on mini bottles of manufacturers' latest offerings (try pantene.com and dove.com) will save you the hassle of scrambling for security-suitable toiletries before your next plane trip.

Evening Romance

Grab your guy, a blanket, and a bottle of wine and get set to watch Mother Nature's light show. Constellations such as Ursa Major (the Great Bear) are highly visible in April. Look for the Big Dipper in the northern night sky—its handle forms the bear's tail, and the dipper itself is part of the bear's butt. For help spotting other twinkling formations, find an up-to-date chart at SkyMaps.com.

Business Cards

Choose from 42 designs and get 250 free cards from VistaPrint.com. The catch: You pay about $5 for shipping, and your cards will have the company's logo on the back.

For the rest of the list, visit http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/save-money

Zero Inbox

If you're like me, you get a daily onslaught of emails. Perhaps you'll want to join me in the process of eliminating clutter in all forms with Zero Inbox...yes that's "O" email notifications. I searched the web for concise information on the topic to share with you. Here it is, from Jeremy Reis on milliontips.com

Tired of wondering if you’re missing something in your email inbox? Believe it or not, that feeling weighs on your subconscious and conscious more than you know. Rather than live with your anxiety, let’s process those emails and get you to a zero inbox. Yes, that’s nothing, absolutely not one email in your inbox. Is it possible? Yes! In fact, it’s possible to keep your inbox at zero which means guilt, worry and stress free email maintenance. Here’s three quick steps to implementing a zero inbox:

1) Create a few folders:

• @Action – Used to put emails that require a timely response
• @Someday – Used to put emails that require your attention, but timing is not an issue
• @Follow Up – You put emails here that you’ve replied to, but it requires that you follow up with someone about the status of the email
• Archive – This is where all of your processed email will reside. When it’s here, you’re done.

2) Survey your inbox and look for emails that you know require a response. Don’t forget to separate them into what kind of response is required. Drag those into your @Action, @Someday or @Follow Up folders so you can process them later.

3) All emails that remain, select them all and move them to your Archive folder.

Now, if you have a lot of emails in your inbox, this is sure to bring a certain level of anxiety—of which will probably make you second guess if you can really do this. You can. If you need to recall a particular email, that’s what your email programs search function is for. Get to know it because it will be your friend.

If you’re one of those people who has a 100 different folders—one for each client, project, person, idea, thought, receipt, etc., I highly recommend that you rid of them all and focus your efforts on using the Archive folder. Why? What makes this system work is your ability to trust your own system. If you can’t remember what folder it’s in, then how will you find it? Sure, you can use your email search function, but then why have the extra folders to comb through? Throw all processed email into your Archive folder and be done with it. Trust me on this one. It’s theraputic.

Now that you have cleaned out your inbox, take a moment to enjoy the mental relief. Go on. Sit back. Take a screenshot and TwitPic it to your friends, family…even your mom would love to see what you accomplished.

The beauty of this system is that you know exactly where the emails are that require your response and when so your worry of missing an email are gone. You will be amazed at how much mental energy will be freed up because of zero-inbox.

Before I go, here are some keys to remember:

• Your inbox is a place to process and sort email. It’s not where you store it.
• When an email comes in, if you can reply in under two minutes, do it immediately. If not, sort it.
• Empty your inbox every day. Yes, that means that when you shut down for the day, your inbox is empty.
• Set aside one day a week to go through your @Someday and @Follow Up folders to make sure out-dated items aren’t piling up. In doing this, you’ll be surprised at how on top of things you’ll feel.
• DON’T GIVE UP! Even if you get behind, spend an hour and process your inbox accordingly.

Bonus: If you keep email open all day long, that’s what you’ll do all day long. In my experience, when you process offline, you stop the leak of new emails which gives you the time to focus on the emails sitting in your @Action and @Someday folders.

http://milliontips.com/

Make Your Own Soda At Home

Eco-Bubbles

Here's a great way to limit high fructose corn syrup and sugar, save money and be green...Do It Yourself Soda (or as we called it in Michigan, POP!) From smart2begreen.com

If enjoying soda has become a must,

Try a product you can definitely trust.

Make your favorite flavors from home

And create your own bubbles and foam.

If you consider yourself a soda connoisseur or can't seem to break the sweet habit, try making your own soda at home. In addition to ditching those pesky aluminum cans and bulky plastic bottles, you can also create your own unique flavors.

• Delicious and easy on the wallet - you won't be breaking the bank buying cases of soda each week. Home soda makers are able to turn tap water into sparkling water in seconds, with little to no mess. Bubble to your taste preference and then add your favorite flavors like diet cola or root beer.
• Less packaging means less waste from sodas and water bottles. Home soda machines are considered an "active green" product because every time you use one, you are actively lowering your carbon footprint. In addition by ditching the packaging you'll lessen the pollution load by saving on transportation fees.
• Leave crazy chemicals like high fructose corn syrup in the past. When comparing the two, home soda machines contain about 9 grams of sugar whereas their traditional counterpart contains around 27 grams of sugar.

Some home soda machines can make anywhere from 60 to 110 liters of soda, that's equivalent to 170 or 310 aluminum cans.

Soda Stream offers one of the easiest (and tastiest) home soda machines around. Don't forget to check out their wide variety of flavors.

Craftzine offers user-friendly videos on how to make your own sodas from scratch.

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution

"I wish for your help to create a strong, sustainable movement to educate every child about food, inspire families to cook again and empower people everywhere to fight obesity."

Jamie Oliver (yes, The Naked Chef) recently won the TED Prize, an award given annually to an exceptional individual who receives $100,000 and, much more important, "One Wish to Change the World."

Please listen to Jamie's powerful speech. It's an eye opener and life changer.

Click below to sign Jamie's petition

http://www.jamieoliver.com/

TED is a small nonprofit devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment, Design. It's now a phenomenon that's changing the world.

The best talks and performances from TED are available to the world, for free, on ted.com.

A closet full of perfectly good rafts

A Zen parable tells of a wanderer on a lonely road who came upon a torrential river that had washed out the bridge. So he built a solid and heavy raft, which carried him safely across to the other bank.

"This is a good raft," he thought. "If there's another river ahead, I can use it." And he carried it for the rest of his life.

How often do we hang onto things that served us well at one point in our lives but are no longer relevant or useful? -from organizing guru Julie Morgenstern

That parable reminds me of my recent closet purge.

When my mom came to visit a few weeks ago, she asked if there was anything she could do to help me around my home. (Thank goodness for moms, right?!) The number one thing I wanted was for her to sit on my bed while I went through my closets to organize my clothes.

So while mom sat there, I pulled out every last piece of clothing and ruthlessly asked these questions:

• Do I love it?
• Does it flatter me right now? If not, can I have it tailored to flatter me?
• Does it represent who I want to project?
• Do I foresee occasions when I will wear it in the next year?

I grouped the items by Keep, Repair/Tailor and Donate.

Soon a pile of former corporate-type work outfits grew...along with pieces that cried "too big," "too short," "too frumpy," and "what was I thinking?" Then the items that were too worn-out to wear anymore started piling up. Each a raft that I would never again need.

In the end, I had two huge garbage bags worth of clothes to drop off at Goodwill.

This left plenty of space to use my ROY G BIV system of closet organizing. See the video below to witness a Before & After using the system.

The bonus was finding items I had completely forgotten about yet were perfect for pulling together fresh outfits. Love that!

Better yet, I had a much more organized closet that contains an abundance of items that really fit me...literally and figuratively.

During Feng Shui consultations, I talk to my clients about symbols of abundance. From now on, I'll add that a closet overflowing with clothes you don't wear is not really abundance, but a smaller selection of well-honed items that work 100%, is.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I had the extraordinary experience of seeing His Holiness the Dalai Lama yesterday afternoon. He started his discussion with insights that are helpful for every downsizer.

People today are "too much concerned with exterior material values and not our inner values."

Happiness, he said, touching his heart, "ultimately depends on here."

His Holiness said that he has met some of the wealthiest, most famous and most successful people in the world, yet they are unhappy inside.

He has also met some of the world's poorest people...who have hearts full of happiness.

He also talked about the importance of compassion for all living things.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

Although, he added, he personally has trouble being compassionate of mosquitoes! (Yes, he really said that!) The first one or two that buzz by his ear when falling asleep get his compassion, "but the third or forth," he smiled as he teasingly gestured a swat.

I'll feel better on my annual summer vacation to bug infested Northern Michigan knowing that even the Dalai Lama struggles with the mighty mosquito.

Allowing Miracles

I'm so excited to share with you some of the incredible insights I've been getting from attending Marianne Williamson's weekly lectures here in Los Angeles.

Last week's discussion was about the difference making it happen and allowing it to happen.

When we try to make it happen, we're relying on our own power and personal energy to get what we want.

When we allow it to happen, we're leaning on Divine Energy (God, The Universe, Universal Power...whatever term works best for you).

As Marianne says, we can allow the Divine Intelligence that created the earth and stars, nature and man to provide for us...or we can do it ourselves.

When we do it ourselves, it takes longer, it's harder and it's not always for the highest good. This can make us struggle, get uptight and contract ourselves, resulting in an energetic wall that blocks out our goals and intentions.

What to do?

Relax. Let go. Ask for Divine help. Put it in His hands.

Marianne suggests visualizing that you're putting all of your needs on an alter...so that God can alter them. Ask for the transformation and relax while it is coming to you. This allows it in.

Then go about your work knowing that The Universe has it handled...and enjoy the miracles as they happen.

http://www.marianne.com/

Decorating Phone Apps- your mobile tool box

As you might have noticed, your phone is quickly becoming your tool chest, reference library, junk drawer, house manager—your personal electronic handyman. House Beautiful came up with a list of phone Apps for Decorating, Remodeling, and Easy Living at Home. Here are my favorites from the list.

Alarm Clock

Transform your phone into a sleek, LED-style alarm clock. Set multiple alarms and choose from seven sounds to wake up to. It even has a snooze button. FREE

Ben Color Capture

Take a picture or upload an image and Ben will suggest the matching Benjamin Moore paint. Click "Strip" for six similar colors or "Harmony" for four complementary colors. FREE

ColorChange

Ever wonder how your bedroom would look in pink? Take a photo and then "paint" the walls—floors, ceiling, trim—any color you can imagine. Then you'll know! $2.99

ColorSnap (Sherwin-Williams)

Looking for paint that matches a color in your upholstery? Focus your camera on the spot and ColorSnap will find a match—and suggest two complementary colors. FREE

Flashlight

Find keys in the bottom of your dark purse. Use the S.O.S. setting in an emergency. Or turn out the lights, pick "Chasers," and start an impromptu dance party. FREE

House Plant 411

A full-service encyclopedia of plants with dozens of care instructions, tips, and remedies. Still stumped? E-mail a photo of your plant for a private response. $4.99

iHandy Carpenter

The picture hanger's dream: Levels to straighten horizontally and vertically. A touch-sensitive protractor to plot any angle. And a ruler to measure small objects. $1.99

iLoupe

Can't make out the small type on a menu? No worries. This program turns the camera lens on the back of your phone into a magnifying glass. $0.99

Mint.com

As close to fun as tracking your budget will ever be. Sync credit cards, checking accounts, investments, even your mortgage to see exactly where your money is going. FREE

Pandora

Pick a favorite song or artist and Pandora will create an infinite playlist of related songs. It's radio, reinvented, to play the songs you want to hear. FREE

RedLaser

Your personal price checker. Scan any bar code and in seconds you'll get the price at the store you're in and see how much more (or less) the item costs elsewhere. $1.99

Shazam

You love that song, but who sings it? Let your phone listen to the tune for 15 seconds and it will tell you the title and artist. One more click to download it. FREE

Yard Sale Mapper

Stop relying on cardboard signs. Pick a day (Thursday–Sunday) and see all the yard sales within a 20-mile radius. Click to view full ads, or use the map to plan your route. FREE

http://www.housebeautiful.com/

DIY Photo Holders

At my family's summer home on the Straits of Mackinaw in Northern Michigan , the beaches pretty darn rocky. As a child, painting the stones we'd find on the beach was our favorite rainy day pastime. And yes, in Michigan there plenty of rainy days.

Eco stylist (& pal from my NYC days), Danny Seo has a great idea on his blog for stones. He uses "felt covered florist wire, which not only looks better with a shot of color, but it grips much better to the photos (or in this case, postcards) so they don’t slip or accidentally fall."

Danny writes: "I love how all sorts of rocks work for this project: big ones, little ones, even stacked ones. You can create a whole gallery of rock frames in minutes by simply twisting the florist wire around the rock rightly and then making a quick 'curl' at the top to hold onto the picture. That’s it. The rocks are heavy enough to keep everything weighted (so if dog runs by, the wind won’t knock them over) and the florist is stiff enough to keep everything neat and straight."

http://www.dailydanny.com

Dysfengshui & The Flying Knife Cart

As all my clients know, my belief is that your home reflects your life and your life is reflected in your home. Like attracts like, so the items you add to your personal surroundings will attract more of the same.

A home filled with comfortable, useful items that you find to be attractive, sets up a chain reaction of energetic magnetism that attracts a comfortable, effective life that is pleasing to you. A home filled with cluttered, broken items that evoke guilt and depression will attract confusion, dysfunction and misery.

That being said...what's up with the Flying Knife Cart? Seriously. Even the head chef at Benihana would agree that this thing is just too much. Unless, of course, you're looking to attract anger, violence or kitchen accidents.

Diagnosis: Dysfengshui

How To Get The Hotel Look

Since I mentioned this post on the Tele-Seminar last week, several people have requested the link, so here it is again. Enjoy!

Okay, this is more than a coincidence. My last five design clients in a row have all said the same thing during our initial meeting. "I want the bedroom to look like a great hotel."

So this begs the question, just what makes a great hotel room? Because if this many people want it, it's something special!

Emotionally, a great hotel room is a comfortable, relaxing retreat. It makes you feel like your problems are a million miles away. How do you get that?

First of all, I have to mention what is NOT in a great hotel room...Clutter! There is nothing relaxing about clutter. And it doesn't make you feel like you're getting away from it all; it feels like you're waist deep in it.

The pressures of work are not relaxing either. So banning the desk, computer and piles of files is crucial.

Now, what to add.

Gotta start with the bed. A really comfortable bed with soft linens, plump pillows and a fluffy comforter are mandatory in a great hotel room. Go for the highest thread count your budget will allow. After all, you spend 1/3 of your life in this room. Rather than spending money on a shirt you will wear only a few times, get quality sheets that you will use every night for years.

It's worth noting that a cheap hotel room has matchy-matchy furniture and the drapes are made of the same fabric as the bedspread. A great hotel room has a mixture of furniture styles and multiple layers of coordinating fabrics.

Creating a sense of balance is another tenet of a great hotel room. Not too feminine. Not too masculine. For example, a hard edged wood furniture piece next to an upholstered chair.

An interesting, yet restful art piece is found somewhere in the room. That doesn't mean expensive, it means interesting. And restful.

And don't forget the lighting. Well-aimed reading lights and dimmers for all switches.

Last but not least, a great hotel has equal-sized bedside tables with equal-sized bedside lamps. In feng shui this represents an equal-sized relationship. Gotta love that.

Remember, it's not about the amount you spend, it's the way you pull it all together. You might want to search hotel sites for inspiration. 'Cuz you don't need a ticket to get where you wanna go.

10 Surprising, Green & Thrifty Old School Hacks

The folks from re-nest found an old household hints pamphlet from 1948. They were surprised (like I am) by how useful, practical, thrifty and green some of the advice was. Here are the ten favorite tips for cleaning and saving some pennies around the house.

1. Make homemade room or closet deodorizer by mixing some diluted ammonia with fresh water and letting it sit out in a bowl overnight.

2. To erase fingerprints and spots from wallpaper, rub stale, soft chunks of bread in even vertical strokes.

3. Remove paper stuck to a wood surface by allowing a few drops of oil to soak into it and then rubbing it gently with a clean cloth.

4. Clean varnished surfaces with a cloth dipped in cool, weak tea. Tea also makes a good fertilizer for house plants and acts as an insecticide.

5. When you crack a dish, put it in a pan of milk and boil it for 45 minutes. The crack will usually disappear and the dish will actually become stronger.

6. Deodorize jars and bottles by pouring a solution of water and dry mustard into them and let them stand for several hours.

7. Pour hot salt water down your sink and tub drains once or twice a week to keep them free of grease and odors.

8. Sharpen scissors by cutting a piece of sandpaper once or twice with them.

9. Chill candles in the refrigerator for 24 hours before using them so the will burn evenly and not drip.

10. If a pot lid loses its knob, put a pointed screw through the hole and twist a cork (which is heatproof) onto it.

Have you tried any of these or other time-tested home hacks?

Tips found in A Treasury of Household Hints to Help You Beat the High Cost of Living, Edited by Michael Gore, 1948

What's My Style?

My friend, Sean Yashar, is a design blogger and contributor to Debonair Magazine. He recent Q&A post about uncovering your design style was so spot on that I wanted to share it with you. I get this question a lot and reply with the same principles. You go, Sean!

Q: I’m not sure what style of design best fits my personality. I am moving in February and want to totally start over with new furniture/design. What publications/websites do you suggest I look at for inspiration?

A: Most likely, you’re unsure of your design preference because you appreciate a little bit of every style. Rather than committing to one look, try being an Eclectic when decorating your place.

Juxtaposing traditional with contemporary elements can result in an authentic place that reads both modern and honest. Avoid trends and implement a liberal seasoning of tchotchkes wherever you can. Move toward personal, idiosyncratic solutions in design, rather than the trend obsessed school of thought that most pedestrian decor is based on.

Great design trumps trends, and some of the most inspiring spaces I’ve seen implement a courageous mixture of diverse design (think futuristic lucite dining table atop an antique Persian rug.)

To explore your options, I would suggest picking up two popular shelter magazines for a dual design perspective: House Beautiful & Elle Decor. While House Beautiful offers design on a more affordable bend, Elle Décor visually stimulates for those with a bigger budget.

For rousing imagery online, TheSelby.com is fantastic. Like the Sartorialist for the home, Todd Selby photographs the inspiring spaces of Creatives from all around the world. His featured homes are the epitome of personal style, and they’ll definitely get your creative juices flowing for your own place.

All in all, I’m confident that these suggestions will offer a well-rounded resource for inspiration, just make sure that you utilize your intuition and keep it fun. If you’re not having fun in your decorative efforts, you’re not in the true spirit of design.

Sean Yashar

http://seanyashar.blogspot.com/

To You, From Me

Happy Valentine's Day! Wishing you a special day filled with Love & Joy.

All my life, my mother has greeted me each Valentine's Day by saying, "Will you be my Valentine? I'll be yours if you'll be mine!"

Here are some Valentine's Day poems and greetings that you might find inspiring.

_____________________________________

If you won't be my Valentine / I'll scream, I'll yell, I'll bite.
I'll cry aloud, I'll start to whine / If you won't be my Valentine.
-Myra Cohn Livingston

Plenty of Love / Tons of kisses
Hope some day / To be your Mrs.
-Author Unknown

My love is like a cabbage / Divided into two
The leaves I give to others / The heart I give to you.
-Author Unknown

Valentines is near / Just wishing you were here
You will always be near / My heart will never be the same
-Jose Villalpando

Are we friends, Are we not / You told me once, but I forgot.
So tell me now and tell me true / So I can say I'm here with you.
-Author Unknown

Raindrops on our dresses / Sunshine on our face,
No matter what the weather / The look of love won't be replaced.
-Donna Wallace

I was lonely, sad, and blue / until the day that I meet you.
You came into my life and changed it around / turned my frown upside down.
-Author Unknown

Someone asked me to name the time / Of when our love became sublime.
I searched high and low but could not find / It within the vast regions of my mind.
So now as I close it is time / Would please be my Valentine.
-Author Unknown

There's nothing in this world/That can express my love
You're as beautiful as an angel / And pure as a dove.
-Osman Espinoza

Speaking the 5 Love Languages

You've heard about the international language of love, but relationship counselor Gary Chapman breaks our love communication down to five distinct languages in his inspiring book, "The Five Love Languages."

As Chapman coaches, if you and your partner are speaking different languages, it's possible that neither of you will feel understood or loved. Being fluent (and knowing which language your partner speaks), helps to create a relationship that is truly fulfilling.

The Five Love Languages are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

If you've ever argued, "I tell you I love you all the time, but you never say it back," only to hear, "Whaddya mean? I changed the oil in your car yesterday!" then you and your partner are speaking different love languages.

Since Valentine's Day is tomorrow, I thought I'd share some ideas to help you communicate in all five of the Love Languages and still "live well, within your means."

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. -Dr. Gary Chapman

Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Clearly Twain was a Words of Affection person.

Some find it easy to express themselves and some go their whole lives assuming their partner knows how they feel. Valentine's Day is an huge opportunity to Say How You Feel.

If finding the words is difficult for you, but Words of Affirmation is your sweetheart's Love Language of choice, here are a couple of suggestions.

Write your feelings down, pen to paper, in a handwritten note. Not only does your honey bunny get the pleasure of your words, but the note to keep. Still stuck? Let a greeting card say the bulk of it for you and add your own personal note.

Make a Mix Tape. Okay, so these days it's really a mix CD, but the mix tape was made famous in the film "High Fidelity" and will most likely always be known by that name. Basically, you make a compilation of all the songs that remind you of your sweetheart. Obviously, heartfelt lyrics will be most important to your word craving lover. But if you can't seem so say those three little words, perhaps Sinatra can help get the ball rolling. Gotta let those feeling out if you're to be understood by your Words of Affirmation partner.

Dr. Chapman says: "The husband who ignores Valentines Day is digging his own marital grave. Marriages are kept alive by expressions of love. Why not write a love letter to your spouse today. On Valentine’s Day, you can give it to her or your can read it to her. Or, you can do both. Words of affirmation is one way of keeping romance alive in a marriage. Don’t miss this opportunity."

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. -Dr. Gary Chapman

If your partner is a Quality Time person, you're in luck that this year Valentine's Day is on a Sunday. Hatch a plan that allow you to give your undivided attention. In other words, spending the day together at home, but being on the computer isn't Quality Time. Enjoying the day while talking and bonding is.

Take a long walk discovering a new neighborhood, hike in the woods, take the conversation to a deeper level or find something silly to laugh and connect over.

Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. -Dr. Gary Chapman

Okay, if your sweetheart's Love Language is Gifts, you have four days of the year that are make or break: his/her birthday, your anniversary, Christmas/Hannukah, and Valentine's Day. If you blow this one tomorrow, you're on your own, kid.

Gift lovers are masters at dropping hints. Now go back and pick them up. Surely he/she recently said something like: "I sure could use a new _____," "This _____doesn't work anymore," "I hope everyone isn't sick of me wearing _____." My friend, those are called clues. Cluuuues.

If you weren't listening to your sweetheart's strategically dropped clues, go with flowers & chocolate. The best quality you can afford while staying in your budget. Classically romantic.

I've heard some (non-Gift) men say, "but flowers die!" Yes, that's part of the point. They are stunning and special and extravagant and ephemeral. That's why they're so valuable to us.

I do agree with relationship expert Alison Armstrong, creator of the "Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women," workshops, that we women would serve ourselves and our relationship much better if we'd stop dropping hints and instead be direct about our needs without expecting our man to be a mind reader. But we might be too close to Valentine's Day to turn that ship around in time.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. -Dr. Gary Chapman

If you've been promising your partner that you'll do a certain chore, now is the time.

Alison Armstrong says, "If there's one thing we've learned from studying men for 15 years, it's that men and women experience appreciation in very different ways. Unfortunately, one of the ways men feel appreciated, and therefore supported, has gone out of fashion for women. It's even considered demeaning in some circles. Men call it “the little things,” such as ironing a shirt, making one of his favorite dinners, or packing a lunch or snacks for an outing with the guys. As you might have noticed, two out of three of the above have to do with food."

You might want to create a book of coupons good for a variety of Acts of Service that your Valentine can claim in the future. Dr. Chapman has free coupons ready to print online. I suggest you mix Handy Andy items like oil changes with romantic ones like foot rubs.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. -Dr. Gary Chapman

Is your partner a Physical Touch person? Then don't buy a gift certificate for a massage, give the massage yourself. Take a reflexology class together and practice on each other.

Every time your Physical Touch lover touches you, touch them back. Physical Touch people craaave this. Why? Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is activated during kissing and intimacy. After the initial oxytocin activation, a simple touch reactivates it, bonding us deeper. Problem is, it's effects last up to 2-3 weeks for women but only a few hours for men. Some men only feel the effects for a few minutes. Explains a lot, doesn't it?

Multilingual Bonus Points

And if you combine all Five Love Languages by creating a Scavenger Hunt trail to spend all day together searching for the little gifts with written romantic clues that you've left along the way, including promise notes for all the loving acts you will perform...and you end it with hugs and kisses, then you, my friend, are a Multilingual Love Languages Genius.

Dr. Gary Chapman's site: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Free love coupons http://www.fivelovecards.com/

Alison Armstrong's site: http://understandmen.com/